Why do people waste their time trying to change a person they are dating? Being in a relationship should not be the opportunity to treat the person you are involved with as if they are a science project. Many people will try to mold a person to be what they want them to be because they are not accepting to the personality their boyfriend or girlfriend possesses. There may be a couple where one individual is adventurous and the other is a little hesitant to try new things. The majority of the time, you will probably end up dating someone who is the total opposite of you, but at the same time both individuals should be on the same page when it comes to their love life.
People who have a tendency to want to always change someone they are dating are manipulative and controlling. If you are not emotionally, mentally, or physically attracted to your significant other than why are you in a relationship with someone that you don’t even like that well. Some people tend to view themselves as if they are perfect and that everyone else has a problem.
For example, Tiffany has been dating Jacob for almost three years. For the past couple of months, Tiffany has been leaving hints to Jacob about getting married. Every time marriage is brought up in a conversation, Jacob clams up and does not want to communicate with Tiffany. Tiffany feels that she can change Jacob’s mind about marriage and decides to give him an ultimatum stating that if he does not propose by the end of the year their relationship is over. Jacob feels as though Tiffany is trying to pressure him into marrying her, which he has told her at the beginning of their relationship that he has no intentions of getting married.
A relationship should be based on compromise and sometimes sacrifices are going to have to be made so that both individuals can be happy. If one person is trying to force the other person to change then more than likely a rift will occur in the relationship. Why do people make relationships so complicated when all you have to do is sit down with your partner and discuss the issues or concerns you have with them. There is no point in lying about how you really feel about the person you are dating. It is a waste of time and energy to get into a relationship with someone because you feel as though you can change them. If you are always pressuring your partner to change and they are not putting any effort into actually doing so, then maybe your partner sees no reason why it is so important for them to stop whatever they are doing that is getting on your nerves.
At times individuals can allow their personal preferences to interfere with how they should view their spouse. There is no way that you can be in a relationship with someone and like everything they do. No matter if the relationship is toxic or healthy, both individuals are going to get on each other’s nerves at times. I’m pretty sure you feel the same way about your family, you love them, but sometimes they can be a little bit annoying. If you are really annoyed by something that your boyfriend or girlfriend is doing the best option is to talk to them about how you feel. If people would spend more time communicating instead of ignoring their spouses than there wouldn’t be so much conflict occurring in relationships.
There are people who feel that it is their duty to help someone change for the better, but to be honest a person has to make the decision for themselves to change, not you. You cannot force anyone to change themselves unless they want to. How can you truly love someone if you cannot grow to accept their flaws?
If you are uncomfortable with the flaws that the person you are dating has then maybe you need to reevaluate why you even chose to entertain the idea of being in an intimate relationship with this person. It can be so easy for people to have this list of flaws that their boyfriend or girlfriend has, but I’m sure they have a list of things that you do that gets on their nerves. You and no one else on this Earth is perfect. People get so consumed with the idea of changing someone else that they forget there are things about them that may be viewed as unattractive to others.
You are not your boyfriend or girlfriend’s therapist nor are you God, you have no power or authority to tell someone to change. Change sometimes comes with time and if you know that there are certain things you cannot deal with while dating someone then don’t allow yourself to even think you can persuade a person to believe you love them, but in actuality you are just with them because you enjoy trying to fix other people’s problems. Love is patient and kind and if you possess neither one of these qualities, you are not ready to be in a relationship.
It is so selfish to think that you have the power to make someone change their behavior so that they can be with you. What if the person you are in a relationship with gets so tired of you complaining that they actually try to start being what you want them to be? Are you going to be satisfied then or are you going to keep trying to break someone’s spirit because you are looking for perfection? Being in a relationship is about being your partner’s support system. If you are not being supportive of your spouse than you can influence them to feel insecure about themselves and they may start to see that you really don’t care about them until they are doing things to please you.