Why the 90-Day Rule is Misleading People to Date for the Wrong Reasons

In the dating scene, the 90-day rule consists of an individual dating a person for three months before making the decision to have sexual intercourse with them. Many matchmakers and relationship experts will recommend utilizing the 90-day rule when they are dating to verify if the other person’s intentions are genuine. Steve Harvey, a popular comedian, even wrote a book called Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man explaining the different types of men and abstaining from sex for 90 days will indicate if a guy is serious about being in a relationship.

I have read Mr. Harvey’s book and thought it was promoting secular dating instead of people making the decision to be celibate to honor God. The 90-day rule should not be taken seriously because if you are withholding from having sex with someone, what is the use for waiting three months. This dating rule is teaching people to not give yourself enough time to get to know a person and just jump into a relationship because you have been dating them for a couple of months.

If you end up having sex with someone, one or both individuals can become emotionally attached to each other and be blinded by lust to believe they are truly in love. People really need to stop listening to these so-called relationship experts for dating advice because some of them cannot be trusted for obvious reasons. Society influences individuals to ignore the red flags that can make or break a relationship and be fed a bunch of lies that end with someone getting their feelings hurt.

There are a series of questions that need to be ask when you are dating someone and just because you have chemistry with someone does not mean they are compatible enough to be in a relationship with you. You may hold the same values and standards with a particular person, but that should not be the deciding factor in figuring out if they are the “one”. I think it takes more than 90 days to see a person’s true colors and many men are knowledgeable to the fact that many women are practicing this dating technique.

It does not matter if you tell the person you are dating you are celibate; words mean nothing if your actions do not correlate to everything you have said. Every man or woman who you see as attractive, does not deserve your time. A guy can see a beautiful woman and go out to her and ask for her phone number. The woman can make the decision to give in to the guy’s demands or just ignore him. There are many people who are just dating to just fill a void in their life. I do not like the idea of dating someone with no intentions of getting married.

The 90-day rule guarantees that sexual immorality will be present in the relationship. A relationship that is based off the desires of our flesh will not last. A couple years ago, I had no idea what the 90-day rule was and when I discovered the purpose of it, I was disappointed that someone believe this type of dating was acceptable. Either you are going to be sexually active or celibate, there is no in-between phases. Withholding from sex will not make a man or woman love you more.

If you are serious about being celibate, forgo the 90-day rule altogether. Some people are just not going to understand the importance of celibacy, but don’t try to look at someone who is celibate as if they have a problem. It is ridiculous how accepting many people are to the 90-day rule than someone who is celibate. This society is all in favor of individuals being promiscuous than someone who has standards and choose to not follow world customs.

It can be very draining to date different people all the time. You have to put up this image when you are dating someone that you seemed to have it altogether. I do not know why people put this front as if they are perfect, as if they don’t make any mistakes in life. The 90-day rule is setting people up to get their feelings hurt. The truth will eventually be revealed about a person and you do not have to practices all of these worldly dating techniques to decipher what type of person you are encountering.

The 90-day rule is brainwashing people to believe if they choose to wait three months to have sex with someone and the other person is in agreement with it, then this person truly wants to be with them. Some men who are not celibate try to manipulate women to believe that they are living right, but in reality they are just waiting for you to give them the green light to make their move to convince you to have sex with them.

Don’t feel as though you are obligated to have sex with someone to keep a relationship going. That is one of the major mistakes people tend to make when dating is that they don’t give themselves enough time to get to a person, before making the decision to sleep with them. If a person cannot accept the fact you are not sexually active, then you don’t need to date them anymore.

Anyone who can’t respect your morals does not deserve your attention. It takes more than 90 days to understand who a person is and don’t allow the world to dictate how you should view celibacy. If you can withhold from sex for three months, then you can become celibate. No point in trying to have sex with someone who might not even be in the picture a few months from now.



  1. Celibacy is an unpopular topic, but there it is. I am teaching my children that waiting until marriage is great for all kinds of reasons. Our society tries to teach us that sex has no consequences as long as you don’t get pregnant or an STD. Society LIES. We cannot change the way that we are made. We are designed to be affected by sex emotionally, and there’s no escape for it. Do I judge others who seek out that connection outside of marriage? Of course not. But I am teaching my kids to do differently.

  2. I think its obvious that the 90day rule is for the secular world not the Christian world. In the secular world where sexual intimacy is meaningless as people have sex on the first date or casually,90 days rule gives some form of self awareness for them where as, we are being led by the Spirit and love for God to abstain entirely. So this should not even be up for discussion when like minds are different. After all the motive is different for both groups

    1. Everyone who is Christian might not practice same principles when it comes to dating. There are some people who practiced the 90-day rule and considered themselves to be Christians. It should not be up for discussion, but the fact of the matter is there are many Christians who have one foot want to glorify God and the other foot in trying to live for the world. Thank you for reading my blog and giving feedback on my article.

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