Learning How to Forgive Yourself to Be Able to Move Forward with Life

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There are a variety of experiences in our lives we have gone through that has made us realize how cruel and ugly life can really be. No one is given an instruction manual on how to avoid hardships. Forgiving yourself for the things you have allowed yourself to go through can be a risky task to complete. It would be downright selfish of me to say that forgiving ourselves and others is easy because I know for a fact that it is not. Forgiveness does allow a person to become mature, but the individual has to be willing and ready to move forward and let go of their past demons that are hindering them from having happiness or joy in their life. Every individual will have to reach a point in their lives where they can’t keep blaming other people for their problems and continuously playing the victim role. When you do not learn how to forgive youself and others you can become bitter and cold-hearted and start to take your anger out on others who may not intentionally tried to hurt you. If God can forgive us for all our sins each and every time, then why can’t we forgive others. God has forgiven all of mankind and even sacrificed himself to free us from our own sin. The devil wants you to hold grudges against other people because he is all about conflict. Satan does not want to see you be great in life and be able to have meaningful relationships with others. I understand that everyone has their own way with coping with things, but if you are constantly finding ways to avoid talking about a sitution that has called you a great deal of pain, then maybe you haven’t gotten over it. From time to time we can manipulate ourselves to believe that we are over a certain situation, but if we can hold ourselves accountable for the role we played in the situation, we will be able to move forward with our lives and become whole again.

There stages to forgive someone and even yourself. If you can’t learn how to mend your heart, then you will be a lost cause. Here are fix stages of forgiveness, which includes

  1. Recognizing the issues or obstacles that has caused you to become bitter and have resentment towards others.
  2. Being able to talk about the issue without getting angry.
  3. Getting closure on the situation by getting spiritual guidance from God and obtaining coping skills from a therapist
  4. Start to journal your thoughts to relieve stress and tension.
  5. Being able to look at the obstacles you have faced as life lessons to help you become a stronger person


  1. Recognizing the issues or obstacles that has caused you to become bitter and have resentment towards others. 

When we have had a bad experience in life, we can sometimes tend to make ourselves believe that we are strong enough to deal with any ordeal life throws our way. If you do not give yourself time to grieve over the situation and have the ability to state the problems you are facing in your because of this bad experience, you will start to build a wall around yourself by not allowing yourself to trust others. When you shut people out who want to help you, you are not giving yourself the opportunity to feel any other type of emotion but fear. Trusting someone is not an overnight process. It takes time and patience to feel comfortable around other people. If you feel as though a person can not be trusted, you will either shut down or slash out at them so that will persuade them to realize that you do not want to be bothered. When you state that you are having problems with forgiving others or yourself, you are recognizing that you need help and taking the initiative to learn how to respond better and life in a better way.

2. Being able to talk about our issues without getting upset. 

If you are always becoming upset or hostile when you talk about a certain situation you have experienced, it means you have not fully gotten over the situation and are still holding ill feelings towards the situation. For example, Joseph and Maria and recently broken up. Joseph had caught Maria cheating on him with another guy and was devasted because he had spent two years of his life with Maria, proposed to her  and even planned to get married in a few months. Instead of moving forward with his life, Joseph makes negative remarks about Maria at any given moment. He has started to attend parties every week and sleep with multiple women. Joseph does not know how to get past his recent breakup because he has not truly forgiven his ex. This scenario shows that no matter how many times you tell yourself you are over a situation, if you are constantly making negative remarks about the situation you have been through, you really have not moved on from it, learn how to deal with the issue and move past the hurt and pain that you have experienced.

3.Getting closure on the situation by getting spiritual guidance from God and obtaining coping skills from a therapist. 

Building a relationship with God is about being able to come to him at any time to talk to him about your problems. God loves when we pour out all our frustations out to him because he can help us with any and everything. You may feel as though God has does care about your wellbeing because you think it is his fault that he has allowed this bad experience to occur in your life. God allows us to make our own decisions rationally and irrationally. Repent to God and him for forgiveness. Before you can forgive others you have to learn how to forgive yourself. No matter how many times you fall, God is always there to catch if you let him. Having spiritual guidance can helps us make better choices. Also, I think it would best to even talk to a therapist about the issues you are facing in your life. A therapist can give you insight and feedback on how to respond when placed in certain situations. Therapists can give you startegies to cope with our issues and give you a treatment plan if you are showing signs of having a psychological disorder. The more you are able to talk about your issues to a therapist, the better of you will be because you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable and get the proper help on how to deal with the fact you were hurt, betrayed, or even depressed.

4. Start to journal your thoughts to relieve stress and tension.

Journaling can be the opportunity to write down how you feel about certain things that you have experienced in your life. When you journal you are giving yourself the chance to write down events that has occcured in your life that has shaped you in a positive and negative way. Journaling can relieve stress and tension because you not realize how much balled up emotions you have inside of you until you start writing down your thoughts. Writing is theurapetic to the mind, body, and soul because you need to allow your self to think about everything you have been through and write down your thoughts at any given moment when you are happy or sad.

5. Being able to look at the obstacles you have faced as life lessons to help you become a stronger person.

When you have allowed yourself to forgive yourself and others, you can finally get clarity on your life by seeing how much of difference your behavior has changed. When you forgive someone you are releasing the power that person has had over life by having you act out of character. Everything we have gone through in our lives is a lesson whether good or bad. Sometimes God wants us to go through certain things because maybe it help us become developed in a certain area in our lives. There are many comeback stories or pivital moments many individuals have had. Don’t allow a negative situation to influence to not be forgiving and willing to forgive those who have hurt us dearly. A tragedy can become your blessing, you just never know what God has planned for life. Forgiveness is the key to moving forward and become a more sophisticated and matured person in the process.


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